Solemn Nights

Here i am, in this box wondering what to do and how to feel. I am an emotional wreck - not capable to deal with these ill thoughts. I feel empty though the surroundings doesnt seem like it. These people are laughing, smiling and enjoying each other's company, whilst I strive to have a quiet time with a special some one.

I am fighting daily these feelings of insecurity - so many times have I told myself there is no need to fight - shes all mine, shes been with me for years and her love for me is no doubt. I can feel it when she showers me with never ending love - but a slight mistake or a wrong word from her could easily be a kill joy. I wonder why. I feel like a woman at times and she have made it clear that my sensitivity is a very annoying attribute (well atleast in her own kinds words or probably just what I picked up from her facial features when things happen). It doesnt seem to be like that with other people, I cant be bothered to care what people think or say of me, but with her - its always painful though I know her action and words are nothing more than a joke, an act of kindess or even to just have a laugh like we used to.

I wish I can be strong and be the man that she always want me to. The person that holds her hand through tough times and inflict only good, honest and strength in each words that come out of my mouth. I want her to feel that when I am near, we can let the worries go and be happy and when I am far - we can think of each other and only feel happiness for the memories that we have or the future we might have together. Yet this is not possible for I am a wreck, I am useless and my attitude and current attributes is killing what we have.

There were times when things are hard and there seem to be never ending strong waves, heavy bouts hitting us from all angles - she stopped and ask me, how would I know I love her the most when I have loved so much - a few women in my past.

I succumbed to speechlessness as I dont know how to put my thoughts and feelings through words.

How do you tell someone you love and care for so much, that you`re thankful your past seem to be fucked up as it leads you to her way? How could you tell someone you are so grateful that the love you had in the past is ruined as now you get to love and be loved unconditonally?

Seems like child play for you lot probably. For me its different.

We talked about being tolerant to each other - she asked me what have I done in regards of that? My answer was again a deep long breather as I have no idea what to say.

I feel and believe that every single day. my mission is to get up and achieve. Achieve something for the future so that I wont have to struggle like many, we wont have to struggle like many. I put her first for all objectives and for all aims. It is only to be with her, to have a family with her and to eventually make her feel that I am her man - the man she can trust. I want to be right but I am always wrong. I want to be sweet but I am always making her fret. I want to be me but I dont know how to start.

Things have change a lot with us since I start work. Its been hard to talk to communicate and to even share a few hours alone. I am always tired, always moody and always a pain in the arse to be with.

When my family came over recently - I havent seen them for 3 years. Things got a little out of hand for me. I started to feel those feelings I have left behind for years. It is sad that I have been away for so long that I have even forgotten how its like to be a part of a family. A bond that never dies - stay intact whatsoever happens in the past,present and future. Seeing my parents together, how much patience they have for each other and how much respect they give to make things happen. I envy that. I wish I can be like that. If I am half as good as Abah or half as patience as Mak, I would be so much a better individual. A better person and most importantly a better patner for my dear Shazwani.

Shes gold to me. All her characters brings light to my dark grumpy life. She doesnt realize that as she believe that she is wrong for me. She thinks that her presence has somehow ruined me and made me worse than before.

My words might not be a bridge to connect emotions and feelings but trust me love, with all my heart and with every bits of my soul - i love you and you're my strength.

You make me want to achieve things that people dont believe I could. Apart from my parents, no one actually felt that I am good enough to be achieving, to be somebody or atleast to make myself better. Until you came and you did whatever you did, it became another reason to be a better person. I might not be able to be like the old me, the person you fell in love with. The so very caring and sensitive towards your feelings. I have never ignore your feelings and your words - I always think about it all the time. I think about it over and over again until I can find a reason or a good enough answer for me to justify myself why I act the way I did or said the words I say to break your heart and made you felt astray.

I have no ego left when it comes to you, I have no pride left and you know it dont you? All I got is you and the little memories we have together, plus the love and the thoughts of a bright future with you that is the only reason I am still striving.

Again, over and over again - I want to make you happy. I am mean I know but I dont know why - something is always wrong with me.

I want to love you everyday like its our last day.

My apologies - million of them - I know does not make things better. My promises remain promises as I have not fulfilled them ever since.

I love you so very much. I am afraid of loosing you - and because of this I am the way I am.

Al Fatihah

The weekend was supposed to be a brand new life for me, moving in a new place, adapting as an adult. Unfortunately, on Friday evening i received a devastating news from mak. My grandmother, Mak Nek passed away. I was in a brainstorming session for our new project when Mak rang. My heart just drops and I had to leave the scheduled meeting to take a breather.

Mak Nek was a loving grandmother and obviously a great mother to all her 16 childrens. I grew up in the Kampong with her whilst my father was studying in the UK. I was very close to her as Mak was always at work to cater for us all. I remember occasions where she will always come to the rescue whenever mishaps happened. Mak being a strict mother herself often locked me in the toilet when i misbehave, but Mak Nek will always let me out and give Mak a few words of advice. She took care of me when I fell down the stairs and broke my arm, and often made me follow her wherever she goes be it the kebun, the pasar and visiting friends...I feel guilty now for not actually trying to go back home for Raya, I could have atleast be by her side before she left us for good. The last time I meet her was 2 years back, she was suffering badly from alzheimer back then and could not remember any of us well. She did remember me though....

I havent got much to say now, things just hit me hard when I read the article about her with a picture of her forever resting place...

Thank you Mak Nek for all that you have provide us, for if it is not your effort, we all wont be where we are now...

Al Fatihah

Bernama - Monday, September 29

KUCHING, Sept 29 (Bernama) -- Ibu Mithali award recipient Rakayah@Ayot Rajak, 82, who died of old age on Friday, was described by one of her 16 children as an exemplary mother for raising all her children to be successful in their chosen vocations despite being uneducated.


Kuala Lumpur Federal Territory Deputy Director of Health (Dental) Dr Ahmad Abang said today his late mother would be an inspiration to many for her tireless sacrifices to put him and his siblings through university as well as for her active involvement in social work, including at the Women's Institute.

"She was a good mother who managed to put all of us through university by taking up sewing and doing other chores to supplement the family income. She was also very kind and generous, and will not hesitate to invite anyone who had come to our house for a meal although we were not from a well-to-do family," he told Bernama here today.

Dr Ahmad, 54, the sixth child, said Rakayah, who was survived by eight sons and eight daughters as well as 58 grandchildren and 12 great-grandchildren, received the Ibu Mithali award in February 1991 from the then Raja Permaisuri Agong, Tuanku Bainun Mohd Ali in appreciation of her contribution.

Six of Rakayah's children are either medical doctors or dentists, including Dr Ahmad and her eldest son, Dr Abas Abang, who is one of Kuching's pioneer and most prominent Malay general practitioners.

Off day

I am having a holiday today to mark up the end of a project and a break before a new project next week. I tried to sleep as long as possible but still got up at 730am , frust gila nyawa. Nak ngandor pun sikpat. I will have to go down town to for references check on the new house, hopefully all is well as I cant wait to move in. 

So I got up today, talk to Wani for a bit  before her girls day out , erm not all girls I think :) half half lah haha. Sorry :) Nothing much to do, read a few magazines, watch tv a little. A friend sent me a link to this one cool hell of a website, so I did this all day...

LMFAO

A Breather

Hope all is well in whatever journey you are in. Things been a little bit hectic down my way lately. Until today, I have not manage to do much. Its been busy at work. I better not be talking about work as it is the weekend, so my apologies if anyone actually want to know. haha. I was away most weekends, last week being the worst. I was off to Glasgow for a project viewing on Tuesday and returned on the Friday, that night I went away and only returned home on Sunday evening. Then the week starts again.....

I miss my lovely girlfriend. Its been a while since we last talk proper. The hours are not really accomodating, i am up at 6 daily to start my long day at work, and will only be home at 7, by then I will be out for dinner and she`ll be literally half asleep :) I understand her tiredness, and she understands mine, I cant wait till shes back here, I miss her greatly. Hope all is welly for your granny, I pray for her health. Youre always on my mind, always.

I think I have a mild OCD. It used to be in a positive way, where I would want to have my room all clean and tidy (in a man's way lah), things will be where it should be and my clothes all clean and folded , placed somewhere hidden. Nowadays, my room is a bit of a sarang tikus vs sarang lipas. Dirty clothes everywhere, rubbish, things all over. Yet, I still want to know where there are, like I always make sure the tv remote is beneath the bed, the clean socks would be tucked under the sofa, my pills (vitamins!) somewhere between the speakers and a bunch of plastic begs. Another reason I think I have a mild ocd is I enjoy routine, and if i failed to meet scheduled routines, I will have a bad day. I hate rushing, I dont mind waiting as long as I dont wait more than I should be waiting. I dont like being late, I feel that if I am late, there is just no point of even going for it. I despise people who disrespect others in a way that they cut queues, rude, arrogant pricks and kids who doesnt use headphones!

I am moving houses soon, Ezra is going back to Malaysia for good, good luck bro! I wish you all the best in everything you do, as long as you get your ass out a little! haha, We will definitely miss having you around bro, after 2 years, its been good.... I am moving to Oak Street, Manchester City Centre! 

Shit, i am sleepy! 

Ciao bella

The Journey of Life

My old classmate Razi was about for the past 2 weeks, trying his luck here in the UK. I have seen his portfolio, and I would say he is a good prospect for the architecture industry. I am a bit saddened that he did not manage to find a suitable job here but I suppose in the duration of 2 weeks - not much can be done. It took me a year to find a proper job, so I suppose the same goes to everyone, unless they are lucky enough like some people.

Having him around somehow rather made me see how much things have change and how much people change. I felt that with his presence, my old attitude and attributes suddenly came back. The environment some how rather change and it brings on memories. Funny memories.

I still remember how he used to wear black and white undies on a white prefect pants. I keep telling everyone that and a few other embarassing moments such as 98 degrees CD given by some "lover" haha. I have a good memory and no one can deny that so if you have done something stupid in the past that people will laugh their heads off upon hearing, just make sure I am not about :)

I take this opportunity to wish him a Happy Graduation and I hope he will manage to find the best job as I believe he will be a good architect one day. I also pray that he will be able to come back here in the future and find a job to further his knowledge in the industry and fast forward his career. First project - Rumah Dayak !

ahahah . Good luck bro !

Bloaw

It has been 5 weeks now since I started work. I have learnt quite a lot in regards of structural designs and water engineering. I thought that coming out of university I have enough ilmu di dada to see me through 9-5 daily. I suppose I was wrong! Everything seems to be fairly new and it seems like I am playing catch up with the senior engineers. They happen to be a really helpful bunch and a great company to work with. I just realize that my life now evolves around work. I leave home at 745am daily and only be at home 745pm. That is 12 hours spent out of my beloved cave.

My time at home is spent talking with the missus and a lie in. I don’t really watch telly as much unless wani make me watch certain channels. I am always tired but I do feel that I can do this till I am 60 years old (if I have Wani though J )

Wani left for Malaysia yesterday to be with her family and friends. I am quite saddened that she is now out of reach but I am happy for her. She have been looking forward to go home until recently as she some how rather knows that I will turn into an emotional sappy being without her presence. I have been busy since work start and have not manage to spend some quality time with her, she have been complaining a lot and I understand where she is coming from. Hence, I will try not to be too sappy while she is gone, and will instead try to cheer myself up so she can concentrate on enjoying herself back at home without having to worry about my being.

Work has been a little bit slow lately. Construction on our projects have started therefore no more design work is required, unless, there are problems with construction that is caused by design errors. To my joy, it happens twice this week, yesterday and today… I was getting sick of watching the Olympics online.

So while my beloved partner is away for the next 2 months, what do I have to look forward to? I am glad the premiership is starting tomorrow. Hopefully, West Ham will be doing alright this season. As other fellow irons, I have all faith that we can finish the season on a high. We signed Behrami, the Swiss version of Beckham. If he is half as good as Beckham I will be chuffed.

Manchester’s Caribbean Parade will also be on tomorrow. I am thinking of going to have a look what is on show this year. It is organized annually and I have missed it every year, so just may be it is worth while to check it out tomorrow. My work mate Kevin is from Antigua and he is well up for it.

I have been doing a lot of reading while travelling to and from work lately. Here are the interesting facts I have somehow highlighted through my readings;

a) In Latin, “testis” means to bear witness. Back in ancient Rome, only men could bear witness or testify in a public forum. Thus, in order to show importance to their testimony, they would have to hold their testicles as they spoke. Also, an oath can only be accepted while holding another’s testicles.

b) In ancient Japan, public contests were held to see who in a town could fart the loudest and longest. Winners were awarded many prizes and received great recognition.

c) Albert Einstein declined the presidency of the state of Israel when it was offered to him in 1952 by state leaders.

d) Gloucestershire airport here in the UK, used to blast Tina Turner songs on the runaways to scare birds away.

e) We breathe from only one nostril at a time.

f) Leonardo da Vinci invented scissors

g) Months that begin on a Sunday will always have a Friday the 13th

h) If your name is Mary, you can’t be a prostitute in Siena, Italy.



That’s about it for today.

Take care people.

The world might be moving , people might be growing...

.....but it will always be just you and me.

I miss you Shazwani !

Productive Week

I have never been so productive in my entire life. I started work on Monday and thank God its Friday !

Projects on my first week:
Monday - Hydraulics calculations for Harrowgate South Waste water Treatment Works (WwTW)
Tuesday - Reinforced concrete design and calculations for Ashord Power Plant backup generator
Wednesday - Screen calculations for Harrowgate South WwTW
Thursday - Plan general arrangement and design for Harrowage South WwTW
Friday - Reinforced Concrete design for First Sedimentation Tank (FST) support for Harrowgate South WwTW

Whats good? :
1. Being productive
2. Learning new stuff
3. Working in a field where I have genuine interest in
4. Having academically brilliant and friendly colleagues
5. Making my parents happy
6. Not eating too much
7. Listening to albums on the way to and back from office
8. Meeting new people that share the same interests
9. Feeling appreciated and care for
10. Looking forward to work daily

Whats bad?
1. Missing my Shazwani Aziz dearly
2. Being too tired and exhausted to stay up a little to catch up with Shazwani Aziz
3. People with umbrellas. They seem to not be able to make sure that they dont hit my face when the umbrellas up.
4. Waiting for trains
5. Having to eat take aways at night instead of cooking (too tired).
6. Having to spend so much on transport and take aways.
7. Room is a mess.
8. Having to play catch up with the clever people in office. (cant seem to be able to come up with good solutions for problems in design )
9. Having a dissertation to do.
10. Missing my Shazwani Aziz dearly

Manchester Piccadilly - Platform 6 / 851am train to Alderley Edge


Handforth rail station - 5 mins away from office


Iklan di Handforth train station



Office

Track of the week:

sangat mainstream skarang ini tapi so cute..

too cute and too main...



some tidak so main la.. tapi still...



ahah

the muppets version





too most... wishful thinking

The Big 3

Thank you for all the things that you have done or tried. I can never ask anything more.

Lets stay together , forever.

I love you , my one and only.

Happy Anniversary Shazwani :)

3rd July

Assalamualaikum warrahmatullahi wabarakatuh...

I'm really no good with words, so I'm not really writing for this blog... I just wanna say, to the MR, its been 3 years... *smile* its been hell sometimes... BUT we have some pretty good (and may I say INTERESTING?) times over the years, didnt we? *grins* You now I'm not sappy, but today I'm making an exception as this is the most sappiest song really... Its in place of all the words that could be said... And being me, I might end up insulting you in the process of uttering them... So, I'm taking my chance of being called a cheeseball and posting this one to you, as it sums up really whats in me... MWW and MMW... *LYWESAAWO*



Sappy for a day,
Wani Aziz

Time

In this somewhat Marxist mind frame, I clearly saw that time has been transformed into production and then production into distribution. Our work time is converted into salary, and our leisure time into consumption. So we can actually represent and measure time with bills and coins. In the instant that time is transformed into hours, minutes and seconds instead of experiences, well, then time has been taken from us. It has become objective instead of subjective. But time is not a representation. The only way one can feel time is through the free acts and personal moments that we create within it. And following this train of thought, I came to the conclusion that a prison is a kind of physical representation of this idea of appropriated time.

just another life

back in manchester , how i am missing the love in london . i hope technology can really bring people closer as in her next to me. come on you nerds , do something !

whats new ? weezer's new album , the zutons' new album, sigur ros' new album and coldyplay's new album. weezer's quite good actually , "heart songs" definitely a must listen... i personally enjoyed the jazz feeling to it.



i went to the hotel yesterday, to work. its been a month since i have been to work. need a good reference off the supervisors, thats the only reason i went to work ! anyway, it was physically draining. we had to basically prepare the grand room , for 5 thousand people, imagine how many tables , chairs and cutleries i had to carry and prepare! hell.

but to be honest it was fun. i enjoyed the company. the group of people i have worked with since i have been with the hotel are amazing. funny people with loads of different/weird problems.

bogdan zurowski , polish , 29 years old - a typical polish looking guy. mean looking , bald , badan tegap-tegap , but yet the funniest polish fellow i have every known , trust me i know alot of polish people ok. his problem seemed to be that he cant find job elsewhere but the hotel. he hates i there and been taking classes to get a better qualification , and after 3 years of doing so he managed to pass only to have the institution spelt his name wrongly on the certificate. he have been waiting for 2months for the instituition to send him a certificate with the right name.

peter hodge , blackburn , 22 years old - a drummer in a local rock band, childish looking but he get chicks easy , funny and a lazy bastard , but if he skips the shift the place will be quiet as hell , so its much better with him around. what is his problem ? well none i think , he did manage to get a better job the same time i did , hence he will be living soon. been with the hotel for 3 years , robbing gallons of free lager and dated probably all the fit birds from reception , i am pretty sure they are not that sad to see him leave. haha . follows blackburn rovers and have half of blackburn logo's tattooed on his back, he ran out of money for the other half.



will yang , china , 24 years old - a robot , will do everything . shifts are much easier when he is about, he doesnt stop , he even work while having his break ! his problem is he work too hard and the hotel is basically making full use of his hardworking-ness. Supervisors will be buried deep in their nice big chair while asking Will to go back and forth for coffee,juices and all sort ! but then i cant say jack as i have been asking favours of him too !! i hope he gets somewhere with the hotel, he got a degree in hospitality and he's just not doing what he is meant to be doing. so good luck to him.

tom , newcastle , 21 years old - a university drop out , he was reading psychology while being a drug addict ! haha a proper hippie , long hair , thin , tall , scruffy and drives and old mini. enjoys flaming lips as much as i do and an avid newcastle fan. working with tom means getting into clever conversations. its like talking with an oxford graduate. he is not sly at all , he do whatever is asked, most of them do anyways, except for pete and myself. tom resembles pink panther, doesnt talk much but will always have the solution to things. for example, once, rachel the boss made us clean up the grand room's store room. this is a nightmare. so his solution to the problem was .................. to clean it up. tom have recently decided that the hotel is not the business he wants to be actively in , he is going back to university to.......... again read psychology.

ah well, all good times will have to end, and i think next two weeks will be my last weeks at the hotel !

bring in the next chapter please !

what a week !

I returned from London on Monday to attend an interview with Halcrow on Wednesday. The worst part was my exam results will be out the same day my interview was on. Now I know how it felt to be the chicken in the pressure cooker!!

I had to basically get through my exams to proceed with my research paper. I was quite certain I failed the Solar, Wind and Water paper. It was a nightmare the night before the result and the interview, my head was everywhere, and my heart was definitely on the floor!

Anyway, I got my result, Alhamdulillah it was alright, although I didnt manage to get a distinction this time around, I am totally over the moon with a merit. So thats the cake, and when Wani arrived in Manchester yesterday, she put icing on it.

To make things better (cherry on the cake), I got a call from Halcrow around 4pm yesterday and they told me that I got the job ! Thank God! Hopefully my working permit and visa should be all just fine, so I can start working soon!

I would like to thank all family and friends that have been praying for my sorry ass :) Thanks !

We celebrated last night - Wani paid for dinner at Tampopo, Manchester Central !

Sarawak on her mind!

Starter - Chicken Satay

Main - Tom Yam (Wani) , Kway Teow (Me) , Som Tam (Share)

No dessert , kenyang gila dah :)

Time

How fast time flies.

Its been 5 years since I last chat up my current girlfriend ! We have officially been together for nearly 3 years now. We didnt realize it until the other day when I suddenly remembered I had to sort my credit cards out before the 5th of June - 2 days after our date. I look forward to the future with you sayang. We've been through loads of ups and downs and still manage to keep it together still, I hope we can persevere whatever coming our way and keep it intact still :)

Jeremy says (12:45):
wht 3 years?

just another language says (12:45):

well 3 years ago I would have kick your face in for questioning all of my msn personal messages!

Jeremy says (12:46):
hahaha
Jeremy says (12:46):
wtf?

Life have been a little bit quiet this time of late, my partner in crime and charity ( opposite crime bah pok) udin flew back home for a good three months. nang sunyek lah ayres road long house lak , no more videoman - so we can now live without being vain ahahahah. now i am in london to catch up with wani , we havent been able to see each other the past months - responsibilites here and there with studies and work, also financial constraint. so, madude is the only person at home now as raa is in belfast, kaz is on vacation in kuching and faris moved out to a bigger place to accomodate his wife who will be moving to the UK soon.

it was only 4 days ago the house -

were filled with laughter, cigarette smokes, rubbish, newspapers all over the toilet, sleeping bags everywhere, wet clean clothes hanging on every little thing that can provide a hanging place, unopened spam letters on the entrance floor with shoes for 1000people, black bin bags surrounding the tong sampah, banter here and there, pizza boxes, chicken bones, empty cans of peaches and unopened ones in the fridge, 5 bags of mouldy bread - thick,medium but no longer white, a sink full of kitchen waste, a dying chinese plant by the window, a broken toilet seat, boxes full of raa's and udin's stuffs at every corner of the house, 50toothbrushes and 40shavers in the toilet's sink, loud celine dion's music from faris' speakers, music from my speakers, music from kaz's speakers, music from ezra's speakers, when everyone is in the kitchen!

now its all over.

a bit sad, but hey, life goes on. and brothers stick with one another, forever.

89 Ayres Road - you`ll never walk alone !

HOW COME WE NEVER TOOK A HOUSE PHOTO ?!?!?!

Legendary bands - Pink Floyd

My earliest memory of listening to a floyd's track was back in 1992. I remember seeing Pink Floyd's The Wall cassette cover in the car and listening to my dad humming the tunes to Comfortably Numb whilst dropping me at school. Pink Floyd happens to be my dad's favourite band. Probably the only band he speaks highly off, "the musical geniuses" that is how he described the band.

I have always been Floyd's avid fan, although I have to admit I was into all sorts of other music genre. As time grows, my feelings for other bands/musicians slowly fades but for floyd's it is totally different.

Susah gila mok cerita. nang best gila lah band tok. mun mok tauk lebeh gik , wikipedia ada....sikpande lah aku nak express betapa best nya pink floyd... nang muang masa lah aku nak cita , bagus aku layan dirik tol sik... papahal.....

dengar jak lah tak orang dirik ahahah. ney tauk layan juak ! mun mok agik pande pande carik :)

Pink Floyd - Comfortably Numb


Pink Floyd - Us and Them

Life = Music

It is weird how music can relate to your everyday life. So many times have I been in a situation and then suddenly a certain song just start playing in my head. I remember whilst sitting for one of my paper, I sat up and did a bit of a stretch, and saw how everyone in the hall have their heads down and writing non stop. Suddenly, this song started playing in my head....



My first day of freedom, I got up and lied in bed. The sun was shining through the curtain, I can hear the makciks buying ayam halal downstairs. Stupid drivers by the alley with their bass out loud.....Suddenly, I remembered "Knots" a song by Pete and The Pirates and the song just went on and on in my head....



one of my favourite songs when i am traveling........ the cribs' moving pictures. such a great yorkshire band.



and the song that reminds me of my family and great friends.



and .......... this one song that I listen to like daily :) because its all about wani :)

FREEDOM

I sat for hopefully, my last academic paper yesterday, and Alhamdulillah, so far things alright. I am a bit worried with my Solar, Wind and Water Power paper. It was tough and the only morning paper I had during the examinations. The other papers were in the afternoon. I quite prefer sitting for the exams in the afternoon. I am a late starter, I am a morning person but my brain only starts running later in the day! Well anyway, its all over!

So what did I do on my first day of freedom ? Nothing much really, I woke up at 9am to wish Wani good luck for her exam and stayed in bed till 11am watching BBC news. Later I watched a Killer Squid documentary and then i realized how much i miss kak mah's squid curry! gila lah nyaman but again everything she masak nyaman..... 730pm I went off to Kara for cheese burger and chips and then Pa'an for Chicken and chips . The reason I bought quite the amount of food is because, I am trying to stay indoors, lari dari landlord since we have not paid our bills - all sort of bills. I totaled it up today and somehow 4 of us owed about 230pounds each for our bills ! That is alot of money! Trust me, trying to get away from the landlord is so hard when your room is above the landlord's restaurant. No loud music in mine's till bills are sorted !

Anyway, I watched another documentary today. The Artful Codgers was the titled. It was about a family of 3 that basically created fake lost art pieces and sold it off for millions to British Museum. It was very interesting, bearing in mine the dad, George was 84 and the wife Olive , 83. The son, Shaun was 47. Shaun is a fcking genius! He left school when he was 16, had a major interest in Art and started learning art on his own and created pieces as good as the real ones even art experts fell for it. Their operation went on for 17 years without no one knowing! Untill the museum realize most of the lost art pieces were found in Bolton!

Tonight I intend to stay up to teman Wani revise, while watching the other documentaries I have missed during the exam period. I want to go to Kasol in India. I have been dreaming about the mountains the past few nights. Seems lovely, are you up for it sayang ?!

Esok udin abis exam , good luck pok, malam esok kita party cs !!!!!!!! ahahahahahah long legs pok? ko chia lah kau dah distinction sigek paper ! ahahahah

My plans during holidays are:

1. Find a proper job
   
2. Old London with the lovely missus ( I MISS YOU LOVE!)
   
3. Catch up with mates in Liverpool, Birmingham and London
   
4. Catch up with the books I bought months back
5. Be proper lazy and just lie in and listen to albums.
   
6. Watch Euro!

ESPECIALLY FOR YOU SAYANG !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :

WHY? JUNE 6TH , MANCHESTER

Anticon is an independent record label. For me, Anticon is the best record label ever. Anticon's roster of artistes are all musical genius. Alias , genius. Odd Nosdam, genius. Doseone, genius. 13 & God geniuses.

Most artistes under Anticon promotes the avant garde hip hop genre, indie rock or electronics.

The first indie rock band I had a listen and quite frankly, fall madly in love with is/are Why?

They are amazing. Have a listen !





"..... or go unknown by torpedo or crohns.
only the people live to see their own likeness in stone......"

a mother like no other

Close your eyes, then ponder about something you can’t live without. But, when you do, you’ll always find it near to your heart, always there, somewhere. The treasure that is dear but not so rare, Held in the mesh that all your dreams flow through. In truth, no gift more happiness can bring, and so this day I give my love to you.

Happy Mother’s Day, mak!

Laughing when the pigs are drowning

I take much effort on treating people nicely. Past mistakes have taught me sometimes that it is not that good of an idea. I don't really expect people to treat me the same. I feel being nice to people will only make myself a better person. Whether the people act the same way, or not, it is really not my concern. I would like to think that I have matured well through out the years, to differentiate between friends and selfish mindless people.

Anyway, I am not sure what this post is all about. I was just thinking how this cycle of friends = foes , foes = friends work. I have to admit, I have lost loads of friends. Mostly high school friends, although they are a couple of good friends from school still notably people like Wanick and Ijan. My good friends nowadays are people I have met along the way since. Who turned out to be a bunch of great mates. Real friends. Thinking of high school , I quite dread it knowing how much I have lost because of stupid reasons. I can clearly remember the faces of people from back then, how much I despise their existence and all I feel for them is hate. Normally I choose to ignore these faces, but today I felt why not spend a moment thinking of how much things have change and how are these people doing in their present life.

Hence the topic. I am not being mean. I am not being resentful. I feel wrong, but I suppose, patience takes you a long way. I have tried to accept, to understand and to forgive. I quite envy people who have good friends whom they know since they were kids. But I am not that emotional sensitive sentimental type of a dude anymore plus I got my girlfriend to sort me out in that sector if any is needed, so fuck them people.

I still hope they pull it through and do well to sort their life out though. So I suppose I am not that bad at all, how many people do you know that would want people they hate to do well in life?

The only morale i can think of is, be nice dont be a pig.

Midweek Ramblings

It is officially spring, finally. The weather been messing with my head a little. It is still chilled in the morning, come afternoon the temperature gets better. I have been a little bit worried with my job applications. I should be able to get a place sorted soon hopefully, I need to learn more about the industry before I could be bothered to research about ways to improve it. So far, not many companies is willing to take me on because of my non existent working experience! On a different note, I have actually finished all my lectures for my Masters of Science degree. How fast time flies.

Now it is the time to worry about the future again. I quite hate the fact that I will have to find a job and start settling down and work. As a lazy fat ass bastard, I quite enjoy the easy life of being a student. After all, I have spent nearly 5 years in university- 4 years for my civil and structural engineering degree and now a year of masters. Love it to every bit. I enjoyed my time during masters most. Probably because I did manage to pursue my interest in learning more about the environmental side of civil engineering and that might be the main reason I quite enjoyed it. Another reason would be I finally managed to get a distinction again, the last time I managed to get a good semester result was back in 2nd year ! It is definitely a morale booster!

The problem now is I dont think i can maintain that performance for my 2nd semester. I have to admit I have not been putting as much effort as I should. Too much fooling about this semester! I am not the type of person that will go nervous and get all stressed out about exams. I quite know it before hand whether I will be up for it of vice versa. Unfortunately my mom got the same sort of telling powers too ! I had a chat with her on the phone today, and she told me she got the feeling that I am not well prepared for the exams. She asked me if that is the case and I replied with a short "sort of" and I can hear my dad in the background saying " Did he just said SOD OFF ?! " I guess the old man is really OLD now !

Obviously, I will be working hard for the exams in the next few weeks. For my parents' sake and my lovely girlfriend too, I will make sure I get the results needed. If its up to me, I will probably just leave it to the last minute and probably scrap my way through ! Thank God for their existence in my life ! They`re like my enzymes.

The thoughts of working, 9-5 daily, and living for the weekends and the 30 days annual leave make me a very very sad man. I am not looking forward to end my student life. I am not looking forward to be stepping in the rat race, the human traffic is not for me. The " work to live, or die trying " motto definitely does not makes all sense to me. But the easy life, big houses , nice fancy cars, that is quite appealing. Unfortunately, it wont happen anytime soon. My mom made it clear that I might have to start work a.s.a.p so I can help fund my other siblings education in the future. My dad is getting old and personally, he cant wait for his retirement. Apart from that, theres my big student loan to be paid ! Well at least I can still have my student diet in the future even though I might not be a student anymore...ahhh cabbages and tomato soup!

So friends, please doa banyak banyak for me. Hopefully I will manage to get a good result. A good job. earn a good wage. and my sisters better be rich or at least marry a rich gentleman one day. ( My sisters only, not my girlfriend ok? and of course lah the marriage have to be based on love )

Heh, such is life.

Hip Hop you dont stop !

I have not been able to listen to the latest hip hop albums the past year. All the same sounds, samples and weak lyrics have made me felt a little bit bitter about hip hop. Apart from Sage Francis, MF Doom and the Anticon crew, I felt hip hop lost its edge. Until recently , I heard Dan Le Sac Vs Scroobious Pip. Fcking fresh , nice eletronica-experimental beats from Dan laced with Pip's amazing spoken word lyrics. Remind me of Sage and Alias of the Anticon Crew. So here goes...

Made In Malaysia

I have been wondering, when will I be back home again. Its been 2 years now since I last stepped my foot out of Malaysia and I miss home astoundingly ! Having said that, I wont be able to go home as soon as I thought, its a balance. I know how much I want to go home , but then there are more important things that I need to sort out here first. Its all a nightmare really.

Wani's going back home for a good few months, and then most of my housemates will be flying off too except for Fariz. That is no fun I tell you. Life for the next 4 months ahead is not exciting at all... or is it ?

Here are some prodigious malaysian bands , a must listen.

No Genius

Today been a little hard, I have been trying to identify things lately. But I suppose at the end of the day, after a lot of thinking....Eventually, I will still be at the wrong end! Always. No point drowning myself in thoughts, a man will always have to endure it all, swallow the pain, feel the misery. Hopefully one day, life will be how it is meant to be. Love will get through it all, sustain and grow. Then may be, they will understand what it is that makes me feel the way I feel.

MWW and I wish things are better, so much better.

The Battle

Its examination time now, its weird but i love it. I guess after 4 years of university I am now more or less numb. I don't get nervous and stress much, but i quite enjoy the pressure. It makes me work harder I suppose. To all examination candidates, I wish you all the best !

Beautiful songs...

When you're not around, these soothing sounds ease the mind....

I miss you Shazwani !

All the stress in the world, is nothing as hard to handle....

The beginning

Greetings earthlings,

As the world turns, the population growth increases. The bond between one human and another grows apart by seconds. While many of us are busy chasing dreams, trying to out live one another in order to get to the top, we forget. We forget what are actually important and what should be our priorities in this life we living in.

This blog is not aim to set priorities for you, nor will it highlight any. This blog is a rambling, about life, universe and everything within that might connect similar minds and heads together. Therefore, this blog is at its best, a platform for oneself to understand a life of an individual just trying to......... live.

Regards.